So, on to WeWriWa. Last week, after Armani fed Karlea his blood, making her stronger, he was going to drink from her again. But then he decided he wanted a little play time...
Karlea immediately went over to the door as Armani stood up, but she didn't seem surprised to find that the door was locked. She turned around to face Armani. She jumped when she turned around and he was directly in front of her, towering over her.
"Let me go." She said in a quiet and non-demanding way.
Armani smiled, "I have the key." He pulled the key from his pocket to show her, it was very antique looking, as if it wasn't even a real key.
"If you want out," he said, still smiling, "you're going to have to come and get it from me."
I would love to keep going, but that's eight. Thanks for reading and please comment, I love reading comments, it helps me improve my writing. I finished writing my blurb for the book this week, but I don't know if I should share it because my eights are from the beginning of the book and I don't want my blurb to ruin it for anyone. Thoughts?
As always, you can find Karlea & Armani on social media:
~Siren
The Key and his personality comes through. What a vivid scene. Enjoyed it and can't wait to see what happens next. :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks! :) I am having so much fun writing this story!
DeleteIt's a good scene, Siren, but be careful of repeating words like door, turned around, and key. They kept pulling me out of the action. You could rewrite the first paragraph like this:
ReplyDelete"Karlea immediately went over to the door as Armani rose, but she didn't seem surprised to find it locked. She turned around to face him and jumped. He stood directly in front of her, towering over her." Good snippet. :)
Thank you so much for the notes! This is a very rough draft of my story, where I just get the ideas/story out as quick as my characters are moving. For SSS or whatever, I normally would edit my snippet, but this week I was late and in a total rush with kids pulling at my shirt :)
DeleteI agree with Siobhan about the repeated words. It's a little distracting, especially in the small snippets. I also agree with Brenda that you've done a great job capturing his personality. It's a nice snippet with lots of interesting erotic possibility.
ReplyDeleteAs the writer, I can feel how badly he wants her, so its just as frustrating for me as it is for him :)
DeleteThanks for reading!
Come and get it. A challenge if ever I heard one. Nice 8.
ReplyDeleteI love San Francisco! Great photo!
:) Thanks for reading!
DeleteSo intriguing. Now today I'm finally starting to like Armani, don't ask me why...excellent excerpt!
ReplyDeleteI would love to know why, but I understand if you can't explain :) Thanks for reading!
DeleteHe's such a tease. I like an undead guy with a mischievous streak. :)
ReplyDeleteMe too! :) Thanks for reading!
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